You’re getting married! Hooray! One of the most exciting days of your life is happening soon, and we can only imagine you’re over the moon about it!
Just remember, this is YOUR big day. This day is for you and your fiance to exchange vows in front of your loved ones and then celebrate the new beginning of the rest of your lives.
While it is your day, the choice to have a wedding means you hold your family near and dear, and you wish for them to partake in the experience with you. As such, it’s wise to consider the roles your friends and family can and will play in the wedding planning process.
Typically speaking, out of everyone, though, mom will play the biggest role in the planning process.
She brought you into this world, and she’s going to do her best to ensure your wedding day is perfect. For anyone lucky enough to have such a loving mom (or another parental figure of a similar nature), she can be a wonderful resource throughout the wedding planning process. Or not.
That’s just it, there are all sorts of “wedding moms” and not all are easy, or even enjoyable, to work with. Not to worry, all will be well with a little positive thinking and “can do” attitude, and of course, these helpful tips.
Here’s How to Plan Your Perfect Wedding With Mom
Above All Else, Always Seek to Discover The Root of The Issue
Often times, when you and mom have an argument or disagreement over a wedding detail, it’s not really about that detail. Is mom concerned that you don’t want to wear a veil? Perhaps the issue is you moving on to a more independent chapter of your life, which makes her feel sad. Is mom constantly complaining about looking “good enough” on the big day? It could be that she feels insecure about her age now that her little girl is getting married.
Each of these arguments or issues provides an opportunity to understand, empathize, and love one another even more! Let her know how much you’ll always need her. Reassure mom that she’s beautiful at every age and stage of life and that the most important thing is for you to be able to celebrate together!
Reassure Mom She’s More Than an ATM
If you’ve been nixing all of mom’s ideas or if you work better alone and have been shunning her attempts to help, she might begin to feel like you only need her for cash flow purposes. To avoid this, try to involve mom more. Invite her to come with you to meet with vendors, ask her opinion of the bridesmaid’s dresses. Who knows, she might just have some useful insight!
If You Have Distinctly Different Tastes, Be Honest With Her
No one wants to hurt their mother’s feelings, but being as honest as possible, as early as possible, with your mother regarding taste differences is crucial. It’s likely you’re already aware of any glaring taste differences between you and mom and don’t delude yourself by thinking that will magically go away when it comes time to plan. If mom has always wanted you to be a pretty pretty princess, but you have zero interest in lace, hearts, or puffy sleeves, then tell her (nicely) so. Avoiding your differences will not solve anything, but rather create problems!
Hash Out The Guest List Somewhere Public…
Ok, just kidding, but the guest list can cause drama between you and mom. She might want to invite every single second cousin, your Kindergarten teacher, and the orthodontist you dreaded seeing. First, determine how much room for compromise there is, and then get to compromising. Yes, she can choose two of her second cousins, no, she cannot invite the orthodontist and no one will suffer because of it. Second, don’t be afraid to be firm, but always kind. Whatever the issue is, space, money, general dislike of potential guest, let her know and stand by your decision.
If Dealing With an Actual Momzilla…
Ok, most moms are are incredible, helpful, and full of support. Sure, you may disagree over a few details or get into a small fight because you may both be feeling emotional, but at the end of the experience, it’s all puppies and roses. Yet, some unlucky brides do in fact get dealt Momzillas. Step aside Bridezilla, Momzilla is headed towards you. If this is the case, here are a few quick tips to implement for damage control purposes:
- Distract With a Task – Assign mom a task where she can do no harm, if possible. Put her in charge of organizing a luncheon. Or something like that.
- Give Strict Instructions to All Necessary Parties – Tell the DJ NOT to take music requests. Let the caterer know to smile and nod, but not to change a thing. Instruct the photographer not to spend more than 15 minutes, tops, shooting mom and dad. Etc. etc.
- Hire a Momsitter – Will your best friend who lived next door be in attendance? Perfect, she knows your mother and she might be able to help.
RELATED: Wondering How to Pick The Perfect Wedding Venue? Here Are 5 Crucial Steps
Nine times out of ten, mom has the best intentions for you and your special day. Whatever the situation, disagreement, or even argument is about, remember to take a deep breath, and respond with love and kindness. Just like your actual wedding day, the entire wedding planning process can be an emotional rollercoaster for you – and – your mom! We wish you the happiest of wedding days and a smooth planning process!
If you’re looking for a venue in New York’s Hudson Valley area, consider the expansive and beautiful venue options at Doral Arrowwood.